Reflection

It occurred to me last night, while bending into unrealistic shapes at yoga, and looking around at my neighbours, on their mats, in various degrees of tilt, shake and sweat (it was our first session in our little rural community), that there is a juxtaposition in the meditative quality of most things that humans do.

Here we are, grunting and teetering, extending muscles that we didn't even know we have, and we are to look within ourselves and accept the beauty, that we "already have what it takes within us".  Now, I am not making fun of this lovely practice. I LOVE this practice. It makes me happy. It makes me feel so good. It's gentle, kind, and allows for mistakes. It encompasses and is not exclusive. And yet we strain.

Perhaps it's the human condition at which I am shaking my head. Pause for reflection is most likely what got the majority of us in such a state that we feel we need yoga. Like the Yogis (bear with me on this one, it might be a stretch.... ooo!)  who sit in obedient prayer for hours and hours, creating tightness in their bodies, daily we look within ourselves and also create tension.

Do these sound familiar?
~I ask myself every day to write a to-do list, and beat myself up if all the points are not scratched out by bedtime.
~And again in the morning when I transfer those things to today.
~I look at each person I know and wish to emulate some part of that person, seeing not the beauty in my own individuality, but dumping "I should"s on myself, heaping more and more on my mental lists as I see more (creativity/productivity/kindness/industriousness...) in all the people around me.
~I beat myself up for every mistake, using language that I'd never use with loved ones, telling myself I am no good at (...)

I could go on, but it would only fuel fires.

To put the fire out, we eat, or we drink, or dive into prime time tv, jump on the net, which acts as no net, I can tell you. When these things provide a great bit #fail, we might turn to something kinder, gentler, a way to ease our aching soul. And we push a little harder, and strain, reaching for that peace, that relief from inner voice.

Today, I remind myself, that I came, imperfect into this world. And that I may have heaped multitudes of microsins on my shoulders. And that it's the opening up to let all that I need, which was already there, waiting, into the space I've created for such things that is causing the ache there. I am undoing years of unkindness to myself.