I sit in the early hours of the morning, retrospective. The fog eliminates a larger view of the world, so I pull in. Guilty pleasure at not having a punch-the-clock job, flitting about- all humming bird like- picking berries, creating art, tending to loved ones. These are the things that disallow my feet to touch the ground. Loving it.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
keeping me busy
When it comes to how much I take on, my people's thoughts range from mildly amused to deeply concerned about my mental health. I am tickled that more than one friend has actually announced that they are my friend because I am into so many different things. And, I am mildly amused with myself when I step back and take a look at my seemingly scattered pattern. The concern, like the amusement, stirs up a mirror reaction in me. When things fail, as they are at times prone to do, I am lead to think that the reason was that I couldn't dedicate enough of my time to any one thing. I am also painfully aware of my stress level and how it affects myself and those in my immediate vicinity. Having said that, it's the middle of the road activity level that I feel quite comfy.
As I am able to stay self employed for longer and longer periods of time, I find that I am better able to manage a decent amount of activities and positions or contractual jobs. Of course, it helps that I am the second income for our family, which is slowly but surely diminishing in financial need with each of our kids growing up and leaving. Feeling relatively secure with my husband's job helps too. When I worked seasonally, school bus driver in the winter and CSA owner in the summer, there was little room to be flexible in career path, whether that meant thoughts of changing my winter or my summer work. It used to be that I would take on 2, 3 and sometimes even 4 jobs that overlapped, trying desperately to do something, anything that I could earn money doing. I would also say yes to things that even remotely looked like the things I want to do, in hopes I could at least enjoy my love by proxy. This grasping at anything made me harried, unable to make good decisions and stretched. I didn't realize that the money coming in was spent on things that allowed me to stay working, like extra fuel and more convenient food. Now, working less means I can plan my driving trips more carefully, manage my family life better, and feel more organized.
Making the choice to work at home means that I have to be very conscientious about how I look at each work choice. Being fairly diversified in my life-work choices means that while things are dry in one area, they are plentiful in another. Finding new avenues in each of these areas takes a little leg-work, so if I were to have to go to a 9-5, it would severely cut into my productivity. That is not to say that I'm not tempted on a regular basis to reenter the world of punching a clock. Not taking on too much at once has been a long arduous lesson for me too. How DOES one say "no" to good work when there isn't regular money coming in? For me, the answer is in all the failures and difficulties they put on my personal life. I know now to be very selective in what I take on.
So? What's keeping me busy now? I had chosen a while back to remain true to a small handful of interests: family, art, Permaculture. Then, I learned that those interests are very broad, and that I had to define for myself what they meant for me. For example, does dedication to family mean that I go to each and every function that my rather close family has? If I do, is it necessary that I attend all 3 days that a birthday, or Mother's day can often imply (yes, my family is very good at stretching out our lovely time together)? How 'bout Permaculture? The very reason I entered into the world of Permaculture design causes me to say "no" to some very good, very nicely paid gigs; my back is worn out. Now, interestingly, I have found that "busy" means something entirely different than it did this time 2 years ago. I am managing the few things well, rather than many things poorly.
Next question; does this mean I'm making enough money? Well, the answer is not simple. Suffice it to say that we as a family are working on the other important question: When is enough enough? For us, I think what we have might be enough for now. The bills are manageable and we are happy. My income is fairly close to nothing at the moment, but there are many irons in the fire. With an *art show in the 3rd week of July, and several art lessons being advertised by a **prominent, well-connected art supply store for home schooled kids, and a rather ***cool connection in my community at an up and coming eco centre, I feel confident that there will be something good, this way coming.
Some interesting things that inspired the above commentary:
~I am right-brained, perhaps a little ADD, a Creative, and for those of you who know Myers-Briggs, an ENFP (extrovert, intuitive, feeling, perceiving)
~My world is filled with the exact opposite types of people and I drive them crazy. I love you all, you drive me crazy too :)
~The death of a close friend, the injury of my back, and the desire to place meaning in my own life propelled me toward a better way of choosing what I do for a living. Life-work.
~In order to build up something good, one must break down what they have. I am very fortunate that the things that I most need in my life are still in place.
~It is because I have come to know myself better, and have accepted the things that I might not have even a year ago, that I can now state with ease and confidence that I am on the right path.
*Cha Island Tea Company 10332 81 Ave
**http://www.paintspot.ca/
***http://www.lakechecolodge.ca/
As I am able to stay self employed for longer and longer periods of time, I find that I am better able to manage a decent amount of activities and positions or contractual jobs. Of course, it helps that I am the second income for our family, which is slowly but surely diminishing in financial need with each of our kids growing up and leaving. Feeling relatively secure with my husband's job helps too. When I worked seasonally, school bus driver in the winter and CSA owner in the summer, there was little room to be flexible in career path, whether that meant thoughts of changing my winter or my summer work. It used to be that I would take on 2, 3 and sometimes even 4 jobs that overlapped, trying desperately to do something, anything that I could earn money doing. I would also say yes to things that even remotely looked like the things I want to do, in hopes I could at least enjoy my love by proxy. This grasping at anything made me harried, unable to make good decisions and stretched. I didn't realize that the money coming in was spent on things that allowed me to stay working, like extra fuel and more convenient food. Now, working less means I can plan my driving trips more carefully, manage my family life better, and feel more organized.
Making the choice to work at home means that I have to be very conscientious about how I look at each work choice. Being fairly diversified in my life-work choices means that while things are dry in one area, they are plentiful in another. Finding new avenues in each of these areas takes a little leg-work, so if I were to have to go to a 9-5, it would severely cut into my productivity. That is not to say that I'm not tempted on a regular basis to reenter the world of punching a clock. Not taking on too much at once has been a long arduous lesson for me too. How DOES one say "no" to good work when there isn't regular money coming in? For me, the answer is in all the failures and difficulties they put on my personal life. I know now to be very selective in what I take on.
So? What's keeping me busy now? I had chosen a while back to remain true to a small handful of interests: family, art, Permaculture. Then, I learned that those interests are very broad, and that I had to define for myself what they meant for me. For example, does dedication to family mean that I go to each and every function that my rather close family has? If I do, is it necessary that I attend all 3 days that a birthday, or Mother's day can often imply (yes, my family is very good at stretching out our lovely time together)? How 'bout Permaculture? The very reason I entered into the world of Permaculture design causes me to say "no" to some very good, very nicely paid gigs; my back is worn out. Now, interestingly, I have found that "busy" means something entirely different than it did this time 2 years ago. I am managing the few things well, rather than many things poorly.
Next question; does this mean I'm making enough money? Well, the answer is not simple. Suffice it to say that we as a family are working on the other important question: When is enough enough? For us, I think what we have might be enough for now. The bills are manageable and we are happy. My income is fairly close to nothing at the moment, but there are many irons in the fire. With an *art show in the 3rd week of July, and several art lessons being advertised by a **prominent, well-connected art supply store for home schooled kids, and a rather ***cool connection in my community at an up and coming eco centre, I feel confident that there will be something good, this way coming.
Some interesting things that inspired the above commentary:
~I am right-brained, perhaps a little ADD, a Creative, and for those of you who know Myers-Briggs, an ENFP (extrovert, intuitive, feeling, perceiving)
~My world is filled with the exact opposite types of people and I drive them crazy. I love you all, you drive me crazy too :)
~The death of a close friend, the injury of my back, and the desire to place meaning in my own life propelled me toward a better way of choosing what I do for a living. Life-work.
~In order to build up something good, one must break down what they have. I am very fortunate that the things that I most need in my life are still in place.
~It is because I have come to know myself better, and have accepted the things that I might not have even a year ago, that I can now state with ease and confidence that I am on the right path.
*Cha Island Tea Company 10332 81 Ave
**http://www.paintspot.ca/
***http://www.lakechecolodge.ca/
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